Flirty Thirty: "The Diary" Part Two

 I am on a Flirty Thirty roll! Three posts in less than two weeks.

I shared about a couple guys of the many that I have dated recently in "The Diary" Part One. In this post I talk specifically about one guy. My most recent relationship. It may be a little too soon to be talking about so openly but it is where my head has been. I think it has shown in my writing, Instagram pics, work outs and even my outfit posts. It is real, it is raw and we have all been there! 

Obviously this is Johnny and not Taylor BUT I posted this pic on Instagram after my first date with Mr. Geographically Undesirable. It still touches me months later. I thought it was appropriate for this post.

Song: Begin Again

Favorite line(s):
"I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again"

"And for the first time what's past is past"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Geographically Undesirable

How I related: The first few times I heard this song I thought it was sweet. Then I met Mr. Geographically Undesirable, after talking to him pretty much 3-4x a week for 3 months, and knew that this song described us perfectly. We met at a Starbucks in the middle of the California desert, on a Wednesday evening, and honestly I knew after meeting him that something was blossoming. Immediately. In fact, something had been growing between us and I never realized it because I had written him off as a love interest because of where he lived. He was everything that I didn't know I was looking for. Everything in my past seemed to just fade after meeting him. 

Song: All Too Well

Favorite line(s):
"And I know it's long gone
And that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay
But I'm not fine at all"

"And I know it's long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to"

"Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well"

"And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest"

"Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Geographically Undesirable

How I related: In case you didn't know, Taylor wrote this song about Jake Gyllenhaal. They had about a 3 month romance and this song is about it ending. This song made me feel something so deeply from the first time hearing it. My romance with Mr. Geographically Undesirable was a little longer than theirs and ended very recently. The more I heard the song, the more I related. This song was on repeat in my car for about a week and a half. I still listen to it at least once a day. Every line I listed pierces my heart because it talks about everything that I went through. The memories of times together, the reasons why they ended the way they did, the brutal honesty in the words spoken and knowing that what we had was rare. And I am ok, but I am not fine at all. Truer words have never been spoken.

Song: Red

Favorite line(s):
"Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall"

"Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red"

"Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song"

"Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong"

"Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
Burning red"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Geographically Undesirable

How I related: I am a visual learner so relating to this song was easy when Taylor put colors to her feelings. This song is incredibly descriptive and each line makes it easy to think of somebody that affected you in that way. My relationship with Mr. Geographically Undesirable began as a friendship and then took off quickly and ended abruptly. I never saw any of it coming. Seriously never thought it would begin and was taken aback when it ended. 'Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly.' She took the words right out of my mouth.

Song: Sad Beautiful Tragic

Favorite line(s):
"Words, how little they mean when you're a little too late"

"We both wake in lonely beds different cities
And time is taking its sweet time erasing you"

"Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
Silence, this train runs off its tracks
Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?
Hang up, give up, for the life of us we can't get back"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Geographically Undesirable

How I related: This song is truly haunting. The melody, the softness and the emotion is emanating with each note. I said that I was taken aback by the ending of my relationship with Mr. Geographically Undesirable and it didn't end in a way that was conventional. Each line listed (minus the fighting. We didn't fight) tells the story of our breakdown. It still makes me sad. Timing really is everything. It is telling. I know that timing was a reason in our relationship ending and it is really taking awhile to "get over" him.

Song: I Almost Do

Favorite line(s):
"And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do"

"I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye"

"Oh we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Geographically Undesirable

How I related: I hope I am not the only one who has to talk herself out of texting/calling/reaching out to someone after it has ended. I generally have to do this daily. I am always so proud of myself when I don't because I almost do. A lot. I still wake up at the time I would receive my good morning text and look at my phone expecting to see it. I still reach for my phone to share something important and then call my friend or my mom instead. My heart still hasn't caught up with my head.  



Honorable Mention: Come Back... Be Here
There are so many good lines in this song. I love how it talks about that false sense of "knowing" someone, not wanting to "need" them in that way, and wanting to be apart of their life. 

And that my friends, is the soundtrack to my most recent relationship. It was easy to write this because it is helping me heal. I am obviously still dealing with this, growing and learning from it.

I can only imagine what my next adventures will entail.

And what music will resonate then. Hopefully my next soundtrack isn't full of roller coaster ride emotions, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I am hoping it is a CD full of sappy love songs. Haha.

If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject, you can.
 Just Click Here

With any series or post that I write I hope that you get at least one thing from it. I want this series to be a platform that helps us grow and learn from one another, so share any thoughts or feelings that you have! Comment, Tweet or Email me. I love hearing from you! 

Flirty Thirty: "The Diary" Part One

I have had so many people ask me why I am obsessed with Taylor Swift's album 'Red'. To put it eloquently, it is basically the diary of my dating life the last 8 months. 'Red' is a collection of songs that describe all of the different types of love and connections that I am sure every girl experiences while trying to find "the one". 

Taylor says it best in the prologue on her CD Jacket:

"They are the moments you saw sparks that weren't really there, felt stars aligning without having any proof, saw your future before it happened, and then saw it slip away without any warning. These are moments of new-found hope, extreme joy, intense passion, wishful thinking, and in some cases, the unthinkable letdown. And in my mind, every one of these memories looks the same to me. I see all of these moments in bright, burning, red."

I mentioned in my last Flirty Thirty post that I was never much of a dater. So the experiences that I have had on this adventure, to date as much as possible, has been similar to Taylor's (yes, she is 22 years old and I am 30. I get it) experiences. In a lot of ways I felt like I started over. I felt like a young girl again. I had a lot to learn about myself, men, the game, communication and ultimately rejection. I am a major music lover and I use music to help me heal. So hearing this album when I did, going through these types of 'relationships' helped me grow and eventually move on. So I am going to share my most favorite and listened to songs. I am going to talk about the lines that spoke to me the most and even talk about some of the men. I will use pseudo names for obvious reasons. :)

Part One

Song: We are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Favorite line(s):
"I used to think that we were forever ever
And I used to say, "Never say never..."

"Uggg... so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you,"
And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like,
We are never getting back together. Like, ever"

Who it reminds me of: The Ex of 6 years. Obvi.

How I related: I won't say too much on this subject because you never know who is actually reading these posts. We have been broken up for almost a year and a half. I get asked all of the time if I have regrets or wish that things could be different. Honestly, I will always care about him as a person but I know that there is no place for him in my future. Like, EVER! ;)

Song: I Knew You Were Trouble

Favorite line(s):
"I knew you were trouble when you walked in, So shame on me now"

"Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street, A new notch in your belt is all I'll ever be"

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Too Hot

How I related: The moment I met Mr. Too Hot I knew I was in trouble. In so many ways he was everything I needed and wanted at the time, yet he was the "classic" guy that I had always been attracted to that broke my heart. We talked for a few weeks before meeting. My initial reaction was that he was WAY hotter than his pics. I was flustered. That never happens to me. I left our first date thinking that it was a good date yet I had NO clue what he really thought about me. Until I got a text 20 minutes later asking me out again. We met the day after my niece was born so I was really busy and couldn't commit to a date right away. I think that intrigued him because he blew up my phone. We texted all day long, every day for a week. Second date happened. There were sparks. It was hot and heavy. Then I left for Mexico. Did I mention he had a kid? Well this is where things got complicated. Busy schedules on both ends. Trying to work around his time with his kid. We still talked all of the time. For two months. Then it dwindled. Never saw him again. Many lessons learned while dating him. 

Song: Everything Has Changed

Favorite line(s):
"And all I've seen since eighteen hours ago
Is green eyes and freckles and your smile
In the back of my mind making me feel like
I just wanna know you better know you better know you better now"

"Come back and tell me why
I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it's not all in my mind"

"All I know is we said "Hello"
So dust off your highest hopes
All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed
All I know is the new found grace
All my days I know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed "

Who it reminds me of: Mr. Not Over His Ex

How I related: Oh man... Mr. Not Over His Ex is the one guy that I am still bummed that I didn't really get to know. I wish that we had met at a different time because I think that things would be so different today. I am still looking to meet a guy with his personality, sarcasm, wit and gentleness. He was the first guy that I really connected with emotionally and that could call me out on my shit from the get go. Our first and only date was 6 hours. Unfortunately I was his first date after his break up and he wasn't ready for a relationship like I was. From the first hello I wanted to know everything about him. Plus his green eyes and freckles were darling. Meeting him really put into perspective the type of guy I was looking to find. He gave me hope that there is a guy out there for me.

Song: State of Grace

Favorite line(s):
"And all we know, is touch and go
We are alone with our changing minds
We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds or fades in time"

"So you were never a saint
And I’ve loved in shades of wrong
We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts"

"Love is a ruthless game
Unless you play it good and right"

Who it reminds me of: Dating in General

How I related: It is inevitable that you are going to date a lot of guys along the way to finding "the one". Sometimes you date once, other times it lasts longer than it really should. Many times it is quick, hot and heavy and intense. Or it can be fun, light hearted and easy. Whatever the situation, unless you end up with a ring, it isn't right. After all, Dating really is a game.

Song: Treacherous

Favorite line(s):
"And I'll do anything you say
If you say it with your hands
And I'd be smart to walk away, but you're quicksand"

"I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay"

Who it reminds me of: Dating in General

How I related: You know that moment, that minute in time where you realize that you can see yourself with that person? That is what this song is all about. The deep fall. Falling in Love. Trying to figure out if this is true chemistry not just something physical. I always question if I am falling because it is inevitable or because I am choosing to open my heart. It is a fine line. 

So I just listed five of the sixteen songs on the main album, there are also three additional songs on the bonus CD that I like but didn't seriously connect to. I have five more songs that I will be sharing in Part 2. I don't think I have ever related to an album so much. I hope this gives you a better insight to my slight obsession and to what dating has been like for me the past eight months. I dated quite a few more guys (six) before and during my time with Mr. Too Hot but they clearly were not any love connections. I dated two other guys after Mr. Too Hot and before Mr. Not Over His Ex. So if you are keeping track that is ten guys is six months. Can you say maneater? Haha. 

Then I met Mr. Geograpically Undesirable.

You can read about him in Part Two.
Be on the look out!



If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject, you can.
 Just Click Here

With any series or post that I write I hope that you get at least one thing from it. I want this series to be a platform that helps us grow and learn from one another, so share any thoughts or feelings that you have! Comment, Tweet or Email me. I love hearing from you!  

Flirty Thirty: 'The Catch'

Happy Friday, Friends!

This week kind of flew by, and yet it didn't. Lol. Confused? Me too!

 I cannot explain why I feel like this but somehow it is Friday and I am tired and clearly kind of loopy! Haha.

                                                  Source: witanddelight.tumblr.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Anyways... 

I am really excited to bring you another Flirty Thirty post. When I thought of this series I had zero clue on how hard it would be to actually write it. I pictured myself as Carrie Bradshaw sharing funny stories, talking about the good, bad and the ugly and getting down to the nitty gritty. In reality I am way too much of a sensitive soul and can be led by my emotions (I am slowly but surely changing this) which makes my personal story hard to write and share. I have 150% enjoyed dating this past year. I was never a "dater". I was, and in some ways still am, the girl that gets stuck on one person and rides the wave until I am thrown on the shore. I am also a "repeat delete" kind of girl. Repeat Delete comes from a term in college that meant you can retake a class and your previous (bad) grade is then deleted, it was like you never had that bad grade at all. I use this term in dating because I would go back to old boyfriends or hook ups because it was easy, comfortable and I didn't have to worry about upping my "number". Lol. So the fact that I truly dated these past 8 months has been freeing and a true learning experience. Some dates were first dates that never turned into more. A few were more, somewhat relationships. Every single situation has taught me something about myself, the dating process and men. 

                                                                  Source: imgfave.com via Mandy on Pinterest

The other day I eluded to the fact that I needed to unplug and be less available. One thing that I still need to learn how to do is let someone "chase" me. I make things easy (that is the people pleaser in me. Yet, I am more of a people pleaser with men than with the every day relationship or friendship. It has to do with self esteem and believing in your self worth) and I don't let guys chase me because I take matters into my own hands. It is NOT a good thing. All I talk about is how I want to be pursued yet I don't have the patience to do that. I end up rushing, pushing and at times ruining something before it can really get started. I talked about weening myself from my phone and I am really working on that. I am not going to respond to anyone in 5 seconds. I am not going to drop everything to answer the phone or reply to a text when I am actually busy doing something. I am a busy person, I have a lot going on and that I am involved in. You would NEVER know that because I am so available. I need to learn to create some mystery and elusiveness. I want to know who really cares. I think it is time! I am sharing all of this for a couple reasons. The first is that I need and want accountability. If I put it out there than I know that people are watching and will call me out when needed. The second reason is that I am sure there are people out there that feel the same way or have learned how to be chased. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it and possibly learn from.

                                                               Source: google.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Another thing that I am really trying to work on is knowing when something is done, and walking away on my terms and not feeling bad about that. I have an issue with closure. I am always looking for a reason and honesty. I don't always get that. I process things and once I am done, I am done. But it takes me awhile to get there. Taking awhile means that I don't always see the signs, I don't believe a red flag is a red flag, I find excuses or reasons and genuinely try and see the best in everyone. This backfires on me. A lot. I am still learning and growing and changing. If I could figure things out sooner I will be saving myself so much heartache.

                                                  Source: collegecandy.tumblr.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Dating is Tough. It is a Roller Coaster ride. It has been fun, infuriating, exciting, frustrating. It is a ride that I am not ready to stop riding even when I feel like I have been chewed up and spit out. I still would rather be dating all the Mr. Wrongs than sitting in my house waiting for Mr. Right to knock on my door. There really are some incredible guys out there even if they aren't for me. I am still hopeful and a hopeless romantic. I get butterflies and really feel a gamut of emotions. 

                                                                         Source: thechive.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Substitute "him" for "her". Oh the internal struggle. ;)


If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject you can. Just Click Here.

With any series or post that I write I hope that you get at least one thing from it. I want this series to be a platform that helps us grow and learn from one another, so share any thoughts or feelings that you have! Comment, Tweet or Email me. I love hearing from you! 

Flirty Thirty: Dating Profile Pet Peeves

Happy Friday, friends!

I am going to start off the weekend with a Flirty Thirty post. It has been a few months since I have written on the subject and a few of you asked if I was still writing it. I am. Although the last few months have been a roller coaster on my personal dating journey. It is hard to be open, honest and real in the moment without getting to personal or giving too much away. I respect the people that I am dating too much to share more than necessary. I continue to learn about myself through the process along with the pros and cons of dating and relationships. It is hard work and exhausting!


This pic is the Story of my Life. HA!

Source: theberry.com via Mandy on Pinterest

If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject you can. Just Click Here.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mandy on Pinterest

Oh, online dating. It is the way of the world these days. Online dating is great in so many ways, and frustrating in others. As I have been dating through online websites for months I thought it would be fun to discuss some of my pet peeves. Specifically focusing on the profiles. I have no one else to bitch and moan to about the ridiculous things I see and read, so I hope that you find the humor in it! 

Profile/Screen Names: 

Everyone has to come up with a name. I totally understand that it is kind of awkward, you want to find a way to differentiate yourself from the millions of others and have it somewhat describe you. But men take this to a whole new level. I refuse to look at some profile's because of their ridiculous screen name. Let me share a few with you... tell me what you think! I have had the following men message me: BlackAnaconda, HugeHarry, TigerWoods225, Hung8782, Casanova6969. Should I go on? I will say this once, if you have come up with a name that could be misconstrued as describing genitalia, represents men who have CHEATED on their wives or have sexual connotations, I am not going to give you the time of day. I am going to assume that you are probably not the kind of guy that I will trust with my heart or want to introduce to my family.

Far Away or Non Face Profile Pictures:

Warning... Any profile you look at notifies the person that you were looking. Knowing that, I try not to look at profiles of guys that I know I am not attracted to, so that I do not give them the idea that I am interested. I SWEAR guys know this and intentionally choose profile pics that show their whole body (generally with a scene behind them or something) so that you cannot see their face (and sometimes I cannot even tell their nationality/race) forcing you to click on their profile to see other pics. OR they choose a pic of their side profile, wearing a hat and glasses or showing off their torso. It drives me bonkers! Post a pic of yourself smiling and close enough that I can see your features.

Pics of Abs, Muscles or looking NAKED:

I completely understand that many guys are looking to get laid, for a one night stand or a friend with benefits. But WHY do you the guys that say they are looking for a relationship or love feel the need to post those types of pics? A girl can tell if you have a decent physique with your clothes on. Leave something to surprise us with. I won't even go into the pics of guys in the bathroom when they clearly just stepped out of the shower...

Not Reading Profiles:

It is so disappointing to receive an email from a guy that is attractive, to then read his profile and find that you have NOTHING in common. Clearly he wrote you based on your pictures and didn't take the minute or two to read about who I am, what my interests are or what I am looking for. Sure, it is flattering but why waste time? Guys... read the profile, don't message someone if you aren't aligned with anything the girl is looking for. So many guys are not looking for anything serious, don't want kids and hate the type of music/sports/activities that I like. What do they think that we would have to talk about or do? Weird.

Canned Messages:

I love, love, love when I receive a canned message. It makes me laugh. Seriously. I find it hysterical that they are that lazy that they have to cut and paste a message. If you cannot tailor a first impression message, you are not going to be able to handle being with a person who pays attention to the details. Even better... when they forget they have messaged you already and send the same exact message, again. Geniuses!

Sending Multiple Messages:

I mentioned before that I do not respond to 98% of the messages I receive. It may sound mean but I don't have the time and I don't feel like I owe anyone anything. My personal rule is that I will respond to someone and let them know I am not interested if they message me three times. There are some tenacious guys out there! I have had many guys message and message. Most stop after they receive my response. Some are even nice enough to respond back and wish me the best (since I say that when I express my disinterest). A couple have been extremely rude and go out of their way to put me down (clearly I dodged a bullet with those guys. Haha. I mean, is putting me down going to change my mind? Uh, no!). And a few seem to ignore my disinterest and continue to message with questions and random facts. WHY????? 

I am working on convincing myself....

Source: zenscorpion.tumblr.com via Mandy on Pinterest

There you have it. All of my Dating Profile Pet Peeves listed in one happy post! Totally makes you wish you were in my shoes, right? LOL. Honestly, the process has been pretty good to me. I have way more good things to say then the bad. But these pet peeves are noticed on a daily basis. Boys are an interesting breed. 

So how many of you can relate? Does anyone have any fun/awful stories that you would like to share in the comments section? This series is WAY MORE fun when I know that I am not alone.
;)

I hope that you all have a FABULOUS weekend.

Flirty Thirty: Real Life vs. Online

                                                   Source: piccsy.com via Mandy on Pinterest

Writing this series is SO fun. Seriously.

I get excited and nervous every time I sit down to write one of these posts! I am loving the comments, emails and tweets about how much you are loving these posts too. THANK YOU!

If you want to catch up, here are the past Flirty Thirty posts:

Should I?

Who I am

In home entertaining/dates

                                                      Source: Uploaded by user via Mandy on Pinterest

The age old questions of dating, especially after a big break up, is HOW.

How do you start dating again?

How do you really "play" the dating game?

How do I know the good guys from the bad ones?

How am I really doing this again?

I don't claim to have all of the right answers to those questions. But I can share with you what I have learned and what I continue to experience. The best suggestion I can give is to just get out there and try it. Date, date and date some more. Do not go into every date thinking he is 'The One'. You will always be disappointed. Always. Even if you think that you know exactly what you want in a man and your next relationship, you may be surprised. Dating different guys and different types of guys is the only way to build confidence in the dating scene and truly determine what you deserve. Lastly, STOP looking for a relationship. Dating does not equal relationships. You have to have a completely different mindset to just DATE. IF something comes out of dating someone than you are blessed.

Obviously I am not shy, especially here in the blogosphere. I am a huge fan and advocate for all things social media. Even with a strong online presence I was still apprehensive to join a dating website. In some ways I still am, even though I have been pretty successful in dating these past couple of months. It took me awhile and I definitely tried all the avenues that I knew before joining. 

If you are scared, apprehensive or nervous to online date then here are some suggestions for finding some one in real life. 

• YOU have to put YOURSELF out there. No one can do it for you.
• You have to lose a bit of the dreamer mentality. Chances are... you are NOT going to bump into your soul mate, he is not going to materialize at the grocery store or restaurant, he isn't going to see you and chase you down because he can't live without you. 
• Do not go out in large groups of girl. Smaller groups (2-3 girls) is less intimidating for a guy to approach you.
• Position yourself in high traffic areas of restaurants, bars, outdoor events etc. Don't sit in the corner or at a hard to reach table. Sit in the center of a room, find the best table in the bar, sit at tables where people can join your group.
• Attend events that interest you. I go to a lot of Country Concerts, Outdoor events like Beer, wine and food festivals because finding someone who likes to do those things is important to me. If I talk to a guy at one of those events I already know that we have a common interest. It makes conversation easier.
• Wear a simpler outfit. Yes...I am saying do not dress like a Glamazon. You have to look approachable and not high maintenance. Jeans, a tee and some hot heels. Good. Cleavage, a lot of leg or both. BAD. Stay away from the fake lashes, clip in extensions and tons of make up. I promise you, guys do not get it.
• Have something to say. Know what topics that are easy for anyone to talk about. Sports, Current events, hobbies are all safe. 
• Laugh. A lot. Have fun. A smile goes a long way and makes guys want to approach you.

 I think that in addition to trying the tips above, that Online Dating is a great way to meet someone. I will tell you that online dating is hard work. You really have to weed through the profiles. 97% of the men that sent me messages were NOTHING that I was looking for. You have to figure out who actually read your profile versus those who just look at pictures. I was shocked at how many guys could care less about what I was looking for. I will admit that I didn't search any profiles, nor did I message anyone first. I waited for guys to send me an email. I only responded to a few of the hundreds (yes, hundreds. It is crazy how many people actually write to you) of guys that emailed me. I was/am picky and only felt the need to communicate with someone who I felt like I could connect with. I looked at the caliber of their initial email, I read their profile and made sure that they were looking for the same things I was (relationships, kids, had a job, family oriented etc), I looked at their pictures and then made my decision on replying or deleting the message. I think that everyone' process is personal. I know people that did the opposite and responded to many guys, giving chances and taking in the experience.

                                                    Source: vi.sualize.us via Mandy on Pinterest

 

Online Dating Rules

• Fill out and be specific on your profile. Be open, honest and interesting.
• Recent pictures only. Make sure that you have a couple close up pictures of your face AND make sure you include a couple full body pictures. Let them see who you really are, today.  
• Set your own rules and stick to them. I mentioned some of mine above.
• Be open minded. Don't just judge a guy by his pictures, they have a completely different idea about what a "good" picture is. I have found that they either look BETTER than their pics (which is always a pleasant surprise and I found more often than not) or they look NOTHING like their pics.
• Email for a week or two before giving out your phone number or going on a date. Take this time to ask all of the questions that are important to you. I made sure to hit the hot topics about what was important to me so that I didn't waste time going on dates with someone who would eventually think something that would be a deal breaker to me.
• Talk on the phone before meeting. Do NOT let the guy JUST text. Hearing their voice and having a conversation is a great way to see if you have a connection. Is he easy to talk to? Does he ask questions and seem interested in what you have to say? 
• Make sure HE asks you out and plans the date. I am old fashioned. I want to be pursued. It is too easy for the guy to leave it up to you.
• Before the first date make sure you know his last name and exactly where you are meeting. Then let someone know where you will be and with whom. You can never be too careful.
• Meet in a happening place. Pick a popular restaurant or marketplace. Something fun and upbeat, not too intimate. 
• Do not have high expectations, take what he says at face value and ask a lot of questions. YOU are dating him just as much as he is dating you. You know within the first five minutes if he is someone that you can date again. Listen to your gut! 

Obviously these are just guidelines and suggestions. They are working for me and I hope that they will work for you too! If you would like me to go more in depth then please comment or email me. I can definitely hone in on one of the topics in a future post as well. 

Flirty Thirty: In Home Entertaining/Dates

Happy Monday, friends!

I bet you didn't expect to see another Flirty Thirty post so soon!

With the Holiday on Wednesday, I knew I had to get this post up SOONER rather than later. If you are a new reader please check out the first couple posts in this series HERE. Since last week's post was a little on the heavier side I wanted to make sure that this post was a little more fun. :)

The BEST thing about being 30 is that I have a space that I can call my own. I have a townhouse that my parents and I just remodeled gutted. I spent so much time picking out paint, carpet, blinds, tile etc. I am still working on the decorating but I have a space that feels like me. One thing that was SUPER important to me was to have a nice patio for entertaining. As of last Sunday there was NOTHING in my backyard. My mom and I went to pick out furniture and brick. My dad got to work on filling in the dirt holes. I ordered a fire pit and headed to Cost Plus World Market to check out their decor.  I actually looked at Lowes, Home Depot, Target, Walmart and numerous places on line as well, BUT Cost Plus World Market had the best selection AND prices of them all. Crazy as it may sound...I had NEVER shopped there before. 

 Mixing and Matching to make the perfect combo for my style

 Headed back this week to pick up this cool lantern holder and colored lantern


I wanted to create a fun and colorful space because the inside of my house is very neutral. I felt like I needed the backyard to feel more like a vacation spot. I knew that I wanted to incorporate some kind of ikat print as well. I originally fell in love with a blue and white ikat collection but it didn't feel right for the whole theme. Then I found the yellow and white ikat print seat cushions. They were perfect for my chairs but they didn't have matching bench seat cushions. After pairing up different color combos we decided to mix prints. I found striped cushions that had yellow and white in them and knew I had the ultimate combo. After walking through the store a couple of times trying to NOT go crazy buying things I found a really cool tray that matched the ikat cushions. It is perfect for setting up drinks and glasses or a S'Mores station. I also found a killer deal on a little side table that matches my furniture. It was 20 bucks on sale and I had an additional 10% off. SCORE! I was surprised at the deals and sales that they had. In addition to great prices they are also giving a coupon away for 15% off of a Southwest flight when you spend 20 dollars or more. Buy and Fly? I could get bought onto that. They also have a really fun Summer Getaway Sweepstakes in which Cost Plus World Market is giving away a trip a week for four weeks to anywhere Southwest flies including hotel accommodations AND a $500 gift card to Cost Plus World Market. Moral of the story is that you must check out the store and get rewarded for doing it!

 Make sure to Check out Cost Plus World Market on Facebook and Twitter

All of my goodies...TWO baskets full!!

 The furniture set, new cushions, fire pit, table and serving tray

 Adult beverage offering with my matching tumblers and stemless wine glasses. Don't forget the wine opener ;)

 All of the brick work was done by my Dad. He worked so hard! THANK YOU DAD! You have blessed me so much!!
 
Living in So Cal my favorite thing to do is to sit outside, by a fire pit and have some cocktails. It is something that can pretty much happen year round. I wanted to make sure that I could have a place to have my girl friends over or even a date! I think that having a designated space in your home that is intimate without being 'dangerous' for dating is key. Through the years I have found that some of my best dates have been in a more "homey" environment. I am such a social person. Being able to just sit, relax and chat with someone is very stimulating to me. Plus creating an environment that is welcoming really helps people to open up and be themselves. It really takes the pressure of impressing someone off.


These are my "RULES" for having Dates at home:

1. Stay in the safe zone, meaning avoid bedrooms! You want your date to feel comfortable and you need to keep the focus on getting to know one another and NOT on sex.


2. Create the mood and set the ambiance. Lighting, music, food, drinks and possibly a blanket if the night gets chilly.


3. Have a set of serving ware that matches. Matching plates, bowls, cups etc. shows that you take pride in presentation.

4. Create a playlist that will set the mood or has artists that mean something to the both of you.

5. Have something fun prepared. You can roast marshmallows, have a game set up or BBQ together. The best dates are when you do something together that allows your personality and traits to shine.


My hope is that whether you are married, dating or single that these tips will help you with entertaining in your home. If you are inspired to try something new or plan a fun date for yourself then I have done my job. I plan to entertain ASAP! My backyard looks too pretty to wait!




***This shop has been compensated by Cost Plus World Market but all opinions about the store and products are my own***

Flirty Thirty: Who I Am

"Above all, be the HEROINE of your life, not the victim." -Nora Ephron

I am doing it...

I am writing a weekly post about dating, love, self worth, matters of the heart and everything in between. I am really excited to see how this series develops and grows. I love that you will get to see more of my heart and the little things that make me "me". I believe that tying in some date outfit posts and talking about self esteem will keep the tone of this series to line up with my vision for the blog being more style driven. Let's face it, you cannot be a blogger without knowing who you are and believing in yourself. Blogging is putting yourself out there for the entire blogosphere and Internet to see. And JUDGE. You have to have tough skin to post pics of your self on an almost daily basis. You might have a bit of narcissism in you as well ;)

Since I am going to do this I feel like I need to give you some of my background. You have to know the past to understand how I operate in the present. I recently turned 30 and I have spent the last nine months (since the break up) working on myself. Mentally and Physically. I was in a 6 year relationship that didn't end so well, not that it ever does when you have given so much of your life and yourself. We lived together. We grew up together. We loved each other, a lot. There were moments in that relationship that I truly thought I would die without him. I learned about co-dependance, I learned how to deal with the highs and the lows. And I learned how to walk away when I realized that I had put my needs and wants on the back burner and that they were never going to get met. I was bitter and angry. I knew that I was not ever going to get past my resentment. I resented him, I resented other relationships, I resented the fact that he STILL hadn't proposed. He may read this and I know that if he does he won't be surprised by the things that I am sharing (although he will probably be pissed that I am writing about it). My decision to leave is personal and it had to do with ME. I think it will always sting a little BUT I will look at that relationship with love and respect. 

Before my first real, grown up relationship I was the girl that didn't value herself. I never thought I was good enough. I hated my body, I think I hated myself also. I thought that my self worth was tied up in how many men 'wanted' me. I gave up precious parts of me because I thought that was the only way for a man to like me. I had 'boyfriends'. But I use that term loosely because I was always too available for them and they took advantage of that. I grew up in a Christian home, with a mother and a father (a damn good father) and I still didn't have the confidence in myself you would think I would have nor the self worth I deserved.

So the first topic I want to tackle is...
The differences in living and loving in your Twenties versus in your Thirties
(I have been 30 for over a month. So obviously I am an expert already ;) )

 Left Pic: Me at 21. I don't have many pics that were on a digital camera then as I got my first digital camera for my 21st bday.
Right Pic: Me on my 30th Birthday on May 14, 2012.


Number One:
 I know who I am
Point. Blank. Period.

In my Twenties: I constantly second guessed myself. I looked to everyone else for the answer. I always felt that I had something to prove in the work place, in my relationships, to my family, to my friends.

In my Thirties: I make my own decisions, stand behind them and have a reason IF I decide to explain why I do what I do. I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself. I stopped putting everyone else's wants and needs before my own.

Number Two:
I believe I am WORTH it

In my Twenties: I put my self worth in everyone else's hands. I decided I was worth something when a man gave me attention, or if I got recognition at work. I had "standards" in the type of man I wanted, until I met someone. Those all went out the window.

In my Thirties: I am NOT settling. In life, career or in relationships. I know that what I have to offer someone is worth gold! I am a damn good girlfriend, I am an incredibly hard worker, I am loyal, thoughtful, compassionate and I am happy. I have found something deep inside that has changed my whole demeanor. I faced demons, I stopped running from myself, I worked though and continue to work on deep rooted insecurities. I love myself enough NOT to compromise me.

Number Three:
I learned how to say NO

In my Twenties: I thought I knew how to use the word. Yet I continually found myself in situations that I should have been able to say No to. I would make decisions out of fear. Fear of people, men and women, not liking me. I gave too much of myself too soon. I gave up time. I sacrificed family, friends and relationships for my career. I never said No.


In my Thirties: I use the word AND have the know how to use it appropriately. I will use the word if it will compromise the happiness I have found. I don't make any decision out of fear that someone won't like me if I say No to them.

What I Know Now

These three things have been so important to learn. I wouldn't be able to date, be ready to commit, get married or have something to offer someone if I didn't. I wouldn't be able to write about it so openly, to share with you in hopes that you can learn from me. Everything that I discuss will come back to these core lessons. 


I want you to keep coming back to read this series. The following topics will be discussed in the next few weeks.

• Entertaining and having Dates in your home
• Online vs. Real Life Dating
• Communication Rules: Texting (sexting), Social Media, Facebook
• The Do's and Don'ts of Dating after being in a long term relationship
• What to Wear on the First Date

I am so anxious to hear what you all think. Please comment and leave suggestions of what you would like to know. I am calling the series 'Flirty Thirty' but it may change! I am open to your ideas.

THANK YOU for all of your support and encouragement in writing this series. 
   

Changes are Coming...

                                                Source: iwastesomuchtime.com via Mandy on Pinterest

I have been pretty transparent in 2012. Well, as transparent as I have felt comfortable with; hoping not to share TOO much of myself on the blog and the internet. Being vulnerable and sharing my heart is not always easy nor comfortable. But the last six months as I have shared with you my fitness and weight loss goals, talked about finding myself again after ending my relationship (Here, Here, Here, Here, ), my thoughts and excitement about turning 30 and documenting my style, I have gotten quite the steady following. With that following I have gotten more comments, I have connected with many of you over emails/Twitter and I have gotten LOTS of questions.

I have been thinking, A LOT! Now that I am in a new phase in my life I think I am going to start a weekly post that touches on life as a single woman in her thirties. I have been asked if I would consider blogging about dating; which would include the dates I go on, what to wear, communication, pretty much the good, bad and the ugly. There have been questions about how I {re}built my self esteem, how I handle friendships/relationships (like my ex), what I plan to do with my 'career',  and how I "really" found my happiness. Clearly that is a LOT of info and I think it is time to address some of it. I am ready to share my heart a little more frequently along with my personal style.

                              Source: pursuitoffelicity.tumblr.com via Mandy on Pinterest

BUT (yes there is a but) I am extremely nervous to be so vulnerable. I don't plan on holding back and I don't want to be insensitive. I would never want someone to Google my name and see that I talk about all of my dates/relationships/experiences. I don't want people to be afraid to date me or share with me in fear that I will talk about them. I want this to be about ME, what I have learned so that I can HELP YOU!

Sooooooooo.......

- Does this interest you?

- Will you comment or email me questions or situations along the way so that I am keeping the info fresh and tailored to you as the reader?

- Do you think that this is a good idea?
- Can you help me come up with a name for this series???
{Flirty Thirty, Thoughts of a Thirty something, a play on Sex And The City?}

I cannot do this without your interaction.

So PLEASE let me know what you think!! 

I mean, how could you not want to read the thoughts and advice from THIS face? ;)