6.27.2012

Flirty Thirty: Who I Am

"Above all, be the HEROINE of your life, not the victim." -Nora Ephron

I am doing it...
I am writing a weekly post about dating, love, self worth, matters of the heart and everything in between. I am really excited to see how this series develops and grows. I love that you will get to see more of my heart and the little things that make me "me". I believe that tying in some date outfit posts and talking about self esteem will keep the tone of this series to line up with my vision for the blog being more style driven. Let's face it, you cannot be a blogger without knowing who you are and believing in yourself. Blogging is putting yourself out there for the entire blogosphere and Internet to see. And JUDGE. You have to have tough skin to post pics of your self on an almost daily basis. You might have a bit of narcissism in you as well ;)

Since I am going to do this I feel like I need to give you some of my background. You have to know the past to understand how I operate in the present. I recently turned 30 and I have spent the last nine months (since the break up) working on myself. Mentally and Physically. I was in a 6 year relationship that didn't end so well, not that it ever does when you have given so much of your life and yourself. We lived together. We grew up together. We loved each other, a lot. There were moments in that relationship that I truly thought I would die without him. I learned about co-dependance, I learned how to deal with the highs and the lows. And I learned how to walk away when I realized that I had put my needs and wants on the back burner and that they were never going to get met. I was bitter and angry. I knew that I was not ever going to get past my resentment. I resented him, I resented other relationships, I resented the fact that he STILL hadn't proposed. He may read this and I know that if he does he won't be surprised by the things that I am sharing (although he will probably be pissed that I am writing about it). My decision to leave is personal and it had to do with ME. I think it will always sting a little BUT I will look at that relationship with love and respect. 

Before my first real, grown up relationship I was the girl that didn't value herself. I never thought I was good enough. I hated my body, I think I hated myself also. I thought that my self worth was tied up in how many men 'wanted' me. I gave up precious parts of me because I thought that was the only way for a man to like me. I had 'boyfriends'. But I use that term loosely because I was always too available for them and they took advantage of that. I grew up in a Christian home, with a mother and a father (a damn good father) and I still didn't have the confidence in myself you would think I would have nor the self worth I deserved.

So the first topic I want to tackle is...
The differences in living and loving in your Twenties versus in your Thirties
(I have been 30 for over a month. So obviously I am an expert already ;) )

 Left Pic: Me at 21. I don't have many pics that were on a digital camera then as I got my first digital camera for my 21st bday.
Right Pic: Me on my 30th Birthday on May 14, 2012.


Number One:
 I know who I am
Point. Blank. Period.

In my Twenties: I constantly second guessed myself. I looked to everyone else for the answer. I always felt that I had something to prove in the work place, in my relationships, to my family, to my friends.

In my Thirties: I make my own decisions, stand behind them and have a reason IF I decide to explain why I do what I do. I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself. I stopped putting everyone else's wants and needs before my own.

Number Two:
I believe I am WORTH it

In my Twenties: I put my self worth in everyone else's hands. I decided I was worth something when a man gave me attention, or if I got recognition at work. I had "standards" in the type of man I wanted, until I met someone. Those all went out the window.

In my Thirties: I am NOT settling. In life, career or in relationships. I know that what I have to offer someone is worth gold! I am a damn good girlfriend, I am an incredibly hard worker, I am loyal, thoughtful, compassionate and I am happy. I have found something deep inside that has changed my whole demeanor. I faced demons, I stopped running from myself, I worked though and continue to work on deep rooted insecurities. I love myself enough NOT to compromise me.

Number Three:
I learned how to say NO

In my Twenties: I thought I knew how to use the word. Yet I continually found myself in situations that I should have been able to say No to. I would make decisions out of fear. Fear of people, men and women, not liking me. I gave too much of myself too soon. I gave up time. I sacrificed family, friends and relationships for my career. I never said No.


In my Thirties: I use the word AND have the know how to use it appropriately. I will use the word if it will compromise the happiness I have found. I don't make any decision out of fear that someone won't like me if I say No to them.

What I Know Now

These three things have been so important to learn. I wouldn't be able to date, be ready to commit, get married or have something to offer someone if I didn't. I wouldn't be able to write about it so openly, to share with you in hopes that you can learn from me. Everything that I discuss will come back to these core lessons. 


I want you to keep coming back to read this series. The following topics will be discussed in the next few weeks.
  • Entertaining and having Dates in your home
  • Online vs. Real Life Dating
  • Communication Rules: Texting (sexting), Social Media, Facebook
  • The Do's and Don'ts of Dating after being in a long term relationship
  • What to Wear on the First Date


I am so anxious to hear what you all think. Please comment and leave suggestions of what you would like to know. I am calling the series 'Flirty Thirty' but it may change! I am open to your ideas.

THANK YOU for all of your support and encouragement in writing this series. 
   

16 comments:

  1. Uhm how are you prettier than you were at 20, are you a freaking drew barrymore, getting prettier with age. Envy.

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    Replies
    1. Yes...yes i am Drew :) Best compliment ever! I hope that I look better now than when I was younger. I am working hard on it!

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  2. I love this!

    I can't wait to read more. GREAT post.

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    1. Thank you Amanda! It is so definitely out of my comfort zone and blog niche but I have built relationships and hope that by sharing I help others. I appreciate you reading!!

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  3. I agree great post!! I'll be reading ;)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Amber! We are so in the same boat, lady! Thanks for reading!

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  4. Okay, I still can't even believe you're 30 because you look so much younger! Anyway! I am already loving this series! It's going to be so great to read what you've learned about love and relationships over the years. And hopefully I'll learn something too. :P

    Reading this post has just reminded me how amazing you truly are. You're a strong, beautiful woman! And I can't wait to read more!

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    Replies
    1. Do you want to be best friends?? LOL..THANK you! I don't feel 30 so hopefully that helps! I hope I can help you younger kids avoid some mistakes I made ;)

      Thank YOU so much for such an amazing compliment. You make me smile every time I read this!

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  5. wow, so awesome to read how you've totally come into your own as you enter your 30s. that's awesome. I didn't know you had come out of such a heavy breakup. Props to you because that is always hard- i dont care who left who, it's always a battle.

    learning to say no is important, I'm so proud of you for that. It's definitely been something I've been working on more and more as I age.

    Looking forward to reading more!

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    1. Thank you, friend! I don't think many readers knew what I was going through these last 9 months or WHY I was changing so many things in my life. I definitely eluded to things but never went into detail. There are still things I won't share because you are right...it's always a battle. I am proud of where I am right now. :)

      Saying NO is SO SO SO important!

      Thanks for reading and I am so glad you are following the journey :)

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  6. I am so excited for this series! I still do not know how to say no. I am not sure I ever will be able to, but I need to try. Looking forward to what is to come with the series.

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    1. I am SO glad that you are excited. I hope people in different walks of life all find something from it. Saying NO is so vital to personal growth and happiness. I hope you can try :)

      Thank you for always supporting me :)

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  7. this was a GREAT post to start off the series! you're so open and write so well. i'm really looking forward to these series and happy to help/promote in anyway i can! this series i think will be so helpful for your personal growth and ANYONE who reads them, thank you for being so open and honest!

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    1. YAYYYY....I stressed and stressed about how to start! Thank you for the compliment...I am definitely an open person and I have always LOVED writing. I am glad to have a small series to showcase that a little more. :)

      We definitely need to chat and I would appreciate your promotion. :)

      Thank you for reading!

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  8. What a great post! I definitely think that with age comes wisdom and confidence.

    Amy

    Fashion and Beauty Finds

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    Replies
    1. I agree 100%! I still think it is weird to be called wise but I think it is a good describing word :)

      And I am SO much more confident as I have come into my own!

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting! It means a lot!

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