Happy Friday, Friends!
This week kind of flew by, and yet it didn't. Lol. Confused? Me too!
I cannot explain why I feel like this but somehow it is Friday and I am tired and clearly kind of loopy! Haha.
Anyways...
I am really excited to bring you another Flirty Thirty post. When I thought of this series I had zero clue on how hard it would be to actually write it. I pictured myself as Carrie Bradshaw sharing funny stories, talking about the good, bad and the ugly and getting down to the nitty gritty. In reality I am way too much of a sensitive soul and can be led by my emotions (I am slowly but surely changing this) which makes my personal story hard to write and share. I have 150% enjoyed dating this past year. I was never a "dater". I was, and in some ways still am, the girl that gets stuck on one person and rides the wave until I am thrown on the shore. I am also a "repeat delete" kind of girl. Repeat Delete comes from a term in college that meant you can retake a class and your previous (bad) grade is then deleted, it was like you never had that bad grade at all. I use this term in dating because I would go back to old boyfriends or hook ups because it was easy, comfortable and I didn't have to worry about upping my "number". Lol. So the fact that I truly dated these past 8 months has been freeing and a true learning experience. Some dates were first dates that never turned into more. A few were more, somewhat relationships. Every single situation has taught me something about myself, the dating process and men.
The other day I eluded to the fact that I needed to unplug and be less available. One thing that I still need to learn how to do is let someone "chase" me. I make things easy (that is the people pleaser in me. Yet, I am more of a people pleaser with men than with the every day relationship or friendship. It has to do with self esteem and believing in your self worth) and I don't let guys chase me because I take matters into my own hands. It is NOT a good thing. All I talk about is how I want to be pursued yet I don't have the patience to do that. I end up rushing, pushing and at times ruining something before it can really get started. I talked about weening myself from my phone and I am really working on that. I am not going to respond to anyone in 5 seconds. I am not going to drop everything to answer the phone or reply to a text when I am actually busy doing something. I am a busy person, I have a lot going on and that I am involved in. You would NEVER know that because I am so available. I need to learn to create some mystery and elusiveness. I want to know who really cares. I think it is time! I am sharing all of this for a couple reasons. The first is that I need and want accountability. If I put it out there than I know that people are watching and will call me out when needed. The second reason is that I am sure there are people out there that feel the same way or have learned how to be chased. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it and possibly learn from.
Another thing that I am really trying to work on is knowing when something is done, and walking away on my terms and not feeling bad about that. I have an issue with closure. I am always looking for a reason and honesty. I don't always get that. I process things and once I am done, I am done. But it takes me awhile to get there. Taking awhile means that I don't always see the signs, I don't believe a red flag is a red flag, I find excuses or reasons and genuinely try and see the best in everyone. This backfires on me. A lot. I am still learning and growing and changing. If I could figure things out sooner I will be saving myself so much heartache.
Dating is Tough. It is a Roller Coaster ride. It has been fun, infuriating, exciting, frustrating. It is a ride that I am not ready to stop riding even when I feel like I have been chewed up and spit out. I still would rather be dating all the Mr. Wrongs than sitting in my house waiting for Mr. Right to knock on my door. There really are some incredible guys out there even if they aren't for me. I am still hopeful and a hopeless romantic. I get butterflies and really feel a gamut of emotions.
Substitute "him" for "her". Oh the internal struggle. ;)
If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject you can. Just Click Here.
With any series or post that I write I hope that you get at least one thing from it. I want this series to be a platform that helps us grow and learn from one another, so share any thoughts or feelings that you have! Comment, Tweet or Email me. I love hearing from you!
Another thing that I am really trying to work on is knowing when something is done, and walking away on my terms and not feeling bad about that. I have an issue with closure. I am always looking for a reason and honesty. I don't always get that. I process things and once I am done, I am done. But it takes me awhile to get there. Taking awhile means that I don't always see the signs, I don't believe a red flag is a red flag, I find excuses or reasons and genuinely try and see the best in everyone. This backfires on me. A lot. I am still learning and growing and changing. If I could figure things out sooner I will be saving myself so much heartache.
Dating is Tough. It is a Roller Coaster ride. It has been fun, infuriating, exciting, frustrating. It is a ride that I am not ready to stop riding even when I feel like I have been chewed up and spit out. I still would rather be dating all the Mr. Wrongs than sitting in my house waiting for Mr. Right to knock on my door. There really are some incredible guys out there even if they aren't for me. I am still hopeful and a hopeless romantic. I get butterflies and really feel a gamut of emotions.
Substitute "him" for "her". Oh the internal struggle. ;)
If you want to catch up on past Flirty Thirty posts and/or read why I decided to write about this subject you can. Just Click Here.
With any series or post that I write I hope that you get at least one thing from it. I want this series to be a platform that helps us grow and learn from one another, so share any thoughts or feelings that you have! Comment, Tweet or Email me. I love hearing from you!
uggh dating. it's so tricky. we spend most of our teen years so carefree and falling in & out of relationships that by the time you become an adult its hard to unlearn all those bad behaviors!
ReplyDeleteI had the same problem with always being available when I was on the dating scene a few years ago. I too always gave in and looked past the warning signs and flags because I am an optimist. But in the end its best to be more aloof and protect your heart. Especially if you KNOW you are being too accessible. I always had a hard time saying no and wanting to make sure that they knew I could go out whenever. It was terrible and I hated it because I felt that I always had my phone in hand waiting for a reply that either never came or was not what I wanted.
I'm happy to know that you've enjoyed the process and have been able to learn from it! thats the beauty (I think) in chronicling your adventure....you always get to go back and see where you went wrong and set it straight!
p.s. I am a serial monogamer and have managed to recycle almost ALL of my boyfriends/dates at some point. Hell, I actually married one of them! ha!
Thank you for this. I needed to hear that I am not alone. Haha. It is tough. Very very tough. But I am having fun. I think that writing about it does help and being able to see my mistakes is helpful. Luckily I want to change and grow. I want to see where I can be better. I wish guys would be more forthcoming in their reasons for not wanting to date me. Haha. It might be tough to hear but I'd rather hear it than not, you know?
DeleteWe sound really similar in the way we date. I've never heard that metaphor before about the shore but that's so true!!! That's how I generally did it. Though I do have a dating history as well and mostly- it just scared me. So I'm glad that you are learning so much about yourself! I always feel like I am THE most awkward person on a first date. I just never know what to say. But it does help to just keep putting yourself out there. Good for you on your year of dating and finding out all of this cool stuff about yourself.
ReplyDeletePS- I think we all have gone back to not up the number... oh well!